The Articulators: Schrute vs. Colbert

The purpose of this in-class writing assignment is to call attention to a new breed of 'man', performer, and new age hero: The Articulator. An attempt to describe The Articulator will be done so in comparison and context to other pop culture references like The Rapper. The Rapper, known for patterns of specialized speech, both regular, irregular and including but not exclusive to conversation or rhetoric, is a rhythmic linguist some consider lyrical poets. Consequently, The Rapper has become emblematic of an American dream revised, which is a working draft in constant motion and progress. The lifestyle of The Rapper is characterized by excess, carbon-based light dispersion, and territorial game play. Alpha males police the boundaries of their success en masse in ritual-like rites of televised passage dressed down in allotropes of carbon driving pricey, imported rich-smelling vehicles only to be parked in front of large homes featuring imposing steel refrigeration cases packed with precision and symmetry with cold, cold beverages rich with manufactured colors, nutrients, and saccharides. The lifestyle should not be confused with the art and craft no matter how difficult it is to isolate said parts. The two are one in the same.

The Articulator is not necessarily a musician nor has he/she quite achieved the matching ensemble and lifestyle of their Rapper counterpart. The Articulator takes its name from the act, much like rap, which some (Wikipedia) say is an acronym for 'Rhythmic America Poetry'. Comedians Stephen Colbert and Rainn Wilson's character Dwight Schrute of The Office fame are the most accurate examples of this dynamic, well-spoken, and striking species. These individuals/characters posses unique curry-like powers, with clean, clear, and exacting pronunciations of words - artful articulation done so with lethal sniper-like precision - are combined with a unique point of view, offbeat savvy, and deadpan, spot-on delivery. They are masters of their craft and the universe. We present The Articulator.

This is a completely objective and biased comparison of the following candidates.

Dwight Schrute

Name is better and more fun to say.

BEARS, Beets, Battlestar Galactica. Strong platform

Assistant "to the" Regional Manager

Fictitious character played by comedic actor Rainn Wilson whose name is still more fun to say than Stephen Colbert

Member of the Steve Carrell mafia

Wears glasses



Smells like paper, compost, and polyester

"I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides."
Stephen Colbert

Name is not pronounced the way it is spelled. Colbert is pronounced 'Col-BEAR'

Bear hater

Political satirist

Making bid for presidency

Member of the Steve Carrell mafia

Wears glasses


Taurus (1964)

Smells like Kiehl's Facial Fuel SPF 15, worsted wool, and a Herman Miller Chair

"I don't trust books; they're all fact, no heart."

Colbert leads with 58% of the vote

* edited 2 Nov 07 @ 10:00

Schrute takes the lead with 61% of the vote
Dwight Schrute vs. Stephen Colbert in a presidential race. Who would you pick?
Dwight Schrute Stephen Colbert